Let me start off by saying that I absolutely LOVE the life that I have been blessed with. I love my boys (all three of them) more than anyone else on this earth, and thank the Lord for them every single day. I am constantly humbled when I think about the honor and privilege it is to even be a mom since it goes against everything that doctors have told me in the past, yet clearly, God had a different plan for my life.
With that said, in the past couple weeks, I've really been struggling with body image and who I am, on the inside and out. I'm sure you are wondering how that is related to my family. Let me share, if I may...
I've struggled off and on my whole life with body image, not severely, as in eating disorders or anything of that nature, but just enough that I can notice when I'm having "one of those days". Growing up in a Christian home and going to a Christian summer camp definitely helped me deal with this issue, but it didn't make it all go away. I tried finding my worth through relationships with guys, which ALWAYS left me empty-handed and heart broken. Not surprising if you were to see how disfunctional they all were, mostly due to my co-dependency and feeling the need to do whatever it took for "that guy" not to leave me. I desperately wanted to feel loved, romanced, wooed and treated like a queen. It was a kick in the gut when I finally understood that there was no guy on this entire earth that could fulfill every need and desire I had, boyfriend, father or even my sweet, loving husband.
Today, my body image struggle is a little bit different than when I was in high school. Today, when I look in the mirror, I often see a frumpy, overtired, sweatpants wearing, must-lose-20-pounds, mullet growing, no make-up, bags-under-my-eyes mom of two boys. I'm sure at some point, every mom feels this way, but that doesn't make it ok. It just means that Satan knows our weakness and most times, we are too tired to fight back.
Although this struggle rears it's ugly head often, I'm so grateful that even though my self-perception can change due to time and circumstance, the way the Lord views me never changes. My identity is found in my loving Father. I am, and will always be His. Created in His image, for His glory. As hard as I find it to be to do in this life stage, the days that I spend time reading His Word are the days that I struggle less, and sometimes not at all, believing the truth that His Word says.
"For you created my inmost being,
You knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Your works are wonderful, I know that full well."
Lord, help me continue to meditate on YOUR Word, and not my own thoughts about myself. Help me to remember who you created me to be, a godly woman, a loving wife, and a patient, gentle and compassionate mother. Thank you for the gifts you have given me, and help me not to lose sight of the truth that is spoken in your Word.
Be Blessed and Encouraged!