My sweet sweet boy. You amaze me. Just today, you saw Thomas crash and the first and only thing out of your mouth was "Uh Oh". This was a first for you, to make the connection of the meaning of "uh oh" outside of when you yourself fall over. Your mind, brain, character and personality are developing so fast that this momma can't keep up! You thrive on being around other children, whether your age or a little bit older, it is by far the highlight of your day (well, that and seeing daddy when he gets home from work)! You have grown physically and mentally, and even emotionally, more than I ever thought possible at this age. You can repeat words that I say, or especially that other kids say. You study your surroundings, but have completely broken out of your shell in the past couple weeks and absolutely love playing with others. You have learned how to show your frustration and we continually try to process through the good and bad of those situations on your learning level. Not too long ago, you heard, and unfortunately saw mommy getting sick, and immediately came over, put your hand on my back (as I'm leaning over the toilet) and started crying. This brings tears to my eyes, becuase I've never met anyone so sensitive, caring and compassionate at your age and I prayed so desperately for those things for you because I long to have those same gifts. You share everything, even though I'm not sure you actually know what sharing is yet. You love to mimic what other children are doing, yet, you are very indepedent. I know most kids have more fun when they are at a play ground, or play area around others, but I truly feel like this is a necessity for you, and the type of personality you are already possessing. This is a little difficult for me becuase I am not quite like that. I'm a homebody, and don't mind being by myself. This personality trait is just proof to me that you were not created to be an only child, and that makes me even more thrilled for you to have a little brother coming in a short 10 or 11 weeks. Caleb, I can't believe our time for just the two of us is almost up. Part of me doesn't want it to end, and the othe part of me knows that life will only be sweeter and more joyful with Asher's arrival. You are so very precious to me and I pray that even though my time will be split, and may seem that there's not enough for you, that the Lord will multiply my hours in the day. Please always remember that I love you, no matter what, and that I'll always be your #1 fan. Oh you precious little man of mine.
I saw this at a friend's house and immediately asked her to e-mail me a copy of it so that I could hang it up in a place where I could and would read it everyday. I'm thinking actually about framing it and putting it on my nightstand since I really need to read it before I even crawl out of bed in the morning...
"Today is not about laundry or updating our blog. It's not about repeating myself, preventing meltdowns or keeping the pantry stocked. It's not about me "needing" an hours break for me-time. And I refuse to let the demands of the day deceive me into thinking anything so trivial. Today is a vehicle for me to serve God's purposes in a way unique from every other person on earth.
The man I love most cannot experience everything God desires for him unless I actively labor towards that end. To love is to die, and it is a priviledge to die for him today.
I have a tiny heart taking shape before me, in the shadow of my words, my tone and my actions. When he looks at how I spend my minutes, what will he believe about my priorities? When he hears the words coming from my mouth, what will it cause him to believe about the God who lives within me? His crying isn't an inconvenience -- it is a window to strengthen him with gentleness in the midst of his weakness. His fighting and defiance are not an irritation -- it is one more chance for me to prepare him for a lifetime of resolving conflict Biblically, for obeying others, and for willingly forfeiting one's own desire for the sake of another. These days that seem so long will soon be years that passed so quickly, and I will not choose to live now in a way that seals future regret. To love is to die, and he is worth me dying today.
Today calls for more energy, more patience, more love, more grace, more gentleness, more resourcefullness, more perspective and more wisdom that I have. So let me remember this morning that my only hope of redeeming this day is to come to Jesus and fully surrender -- that His life might accomplish through me greater things than I can even imagine. To love is to die, and He knows everything there is to know about that."
Be Blessed and Encouraged!