Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Coming Back to You

Lord, it’s been quite some time since I’ve spent some quality time with you. No excuses. I’m dry. I’m empty. I’m wanting, searching, desiring & needing YOU and only YOU, right now. I know you meet me where I’m at, but I don’t even know where that place is right now. Please show me. Please fill me with your Spirit’s presence. Please fill me with your peace, joy, overwhelming love, grace and mercy. I know you can, I know you will, you promise me that in your Word. I have worries, I have fears, I have questions, I have anxieties, I have concerns, I have burdens. Yet, your Word says, “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” Help me to believe that. Help me to write those words on my heart, not just remember them in my mind. I’ve been reading so many blogs lately of families who have suffered because of losing a child. Lord, I know your will is perfect, but I worry. I’m carrying this child of yours, but I fear that I may lose it before I get to spend any time with it. I’m fearful of keeping at arm’s length rather than run full force with love towards this little baby. I’m scared. I’m scared to get to close, I’m scared to connect, I’m scared to love. I’m scared that as soon as I give my all to this child that it will be taken from me. I know this fear is not from you, help me to fight off the enemy. These families seem so strong, I don’t know that I could ever be that strong in that situation. I fear that situation. Lord, I need you. I need your comfort, your assurance, your will to be revealed to me, please Lord. I need to trust you. I need to trust that you are holding this precious little life in your hands, keeping it safe, growing it strong and healthy. I don’t know that I have the strength to go through some of the things these other mommies have and are going through. My faith is not that strong. My heart is not that trusting. Please, please Jesus, keep your child safe inside me. Please help me to trust your will. Please help me to feel your Sprit alive inside me. Please help me to understand your will for my life and the life of our child, whatever that may be.

Be Blessed and Encouraged!

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