Tragedy and Understanding...Two Words That Often Contradict Each Other

Tragedy: An event resulting in great loss or misfortune.

When tragedy strikes, our most often response is a simple "why?" "Why did this happen?" "How can good come out of this tragedy?" "Lord, what were you thinking?"

This morning I read a tragic story about a man who has deeply influenced my life and the lives of millions all across the world. Steven Curtis Chapman. Most of us know at least his name and some of us have been greatly impacted by his gifts and talents he has used through music. His love of music is great, but his love for his family is even greater. Yesterday, his youngest daughter, Maria, was struck and killed by their car in the gravel driveway of their home. While that is sad, the other half of this accident is that one of Steven's teenage sons was driving the car when it happened. Tragedy. As I read multiple news stories, I couldn't help but cry tears of pain and sadness for him, his family and his precious little girl. My heart aches for them right now. And then I was graciously reminded that the she is in Heaven, with our Father, our Lord, and my heart began to slowly feel the peace of the Lord. While we will never understand the ways of the Lord, one thing I know for sure is he is faithful to carry us through when we cannot walk on our own.

"I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you in the palm of my hands..." Isaiah 49:16

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your weary souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-29

I have no clue what it's like to lose a child, but I can almost guarantee that it truly is one of the most heart wrenching times in any mother or father's life.

To the Chapman family, my heart goes out to you. My prayers go out to you. May you find peace in the midst of tragedy and truly cast all your burdens on Christ, our author and perfector, our Healer, our Comforter, our Father, our Provider, our Daddy.

Be Blessed and Encouraged!

The Art of Snoozing

Monday mornings at our house start off like any other day of the week, at least they do for my husband. Aaron has the gift of discipline, something I lack in every area of my life, but especially when it comes to waking up and getting out of bed. While Aaron may hit the snooze once or twice, I on the other hand hit the snooze button most mornings until I know my alarm will automatically turn off, one hour later. And at 9 minute intervals, it’s not likely that I’m actually gaining anything by doing this, except the thrill and comfort of feeling my head hit the pillow over and over again. You see, I purposely bought a new alarm clock last year that only allowed the alarm to go off for one hour, and then the alarm would completely shut down. My reasoning: LAZINESS!! You see, my morning pillow time is precious to me! I HATE MORNINGS, especially MONDAYS!! And you know what makes it worse? When the sky is dark and filled with clouds or better yet, a soft rain is coming down and maybe a little thunder. Now that to me is the perfect sleeping in, bed in breakfast, HGTV watching morning! Needless to say, I’m not a morning person! In fact, I often find myself envying my husband, because he is up out of bed, making his breakfast, watching the morning news (or whatever cartoon is on), hopping in the shower and getting ready for work (even if he has no where to be!). Note that while he is doing all of this, I am still snoozing! He has his morning routine down and I am still struggling to even open my eye lids all the way! Don’t get me wrong, I’ve tried many different approaches to my morning routine (or lack thereof). I’ve tried to write out my schedule so as to have a “checklist” sort of “alarm”. I’ve tried moving my alarm clock across the room so I actually have to fully get out of bed to turn off the alarm. I’ve tried having Aaron rip the covers off me. I’ve tried having him tickle me. I’ve even tried to have my cell phone alarm get me out of bed (you know, that annoying sound your cell phone puts off when you have set an appointment or anything of that nature on it!). Nothing I’ve tried seems to work! Obviously, there are many days I just give up and give in to my natural tendencies and habits that I’ve carried for more than a decade. But then I have mornings like today, where I truly want to wake up early, go grab some Starbucks and sit and have some time with my Lord. Oddly enough (or maybe not at all), even that has not gotten me up early this morning.

It’s been said that people with healthy sleep habits tend to fall asleep within 10-20 minutes (about.com). So what’s with the snooze? As a fellow blogger states, “The answer is obvious: 9 minutes is just enough time to almost fall back to sleep. This means that the snooze button is actually a torture device.” Wow, what an epiphany!

So, in the process of trying to better myself, have more energy and maybe even not be so moody, I will in fact attempt again, tomorrow morning (and possibly many more mornings after that) to actually get up when my alarm FIRST goes off! I mean, I figure I have three options here, I can 1.) Get up when I intend to get up (the first alarm) 2) Set the alarm to go off at a later time (the time I actually roll out of bed) since I obviously do have the extra time to kill, or 3) go about with my normal routine and just slap that snooze button every 9 minutes for about an hour!

Know that if you are a fellow snoozer, you are not alone, and there is hope for all of us!!

Be Blessed and Encouraged!

Our newest family member!

We've jumped in with the crowd and have our first pet! "Hopper" joined our family only two days ago and I'm already loving it! Since Aaron is allergic to cats and we're not ready for a puppy, I've been asking for a bunny for about two years now. I am a huge animal lover, especially when their cute and furry. Aaron surprised me at work on Wednesday with Hopper. Hopper comes from a client of Aaron who was trying to minimize household pets (they already have 2 bunnies & 2 dogs). They gave us everything to go along with Hopper including his cage, food, bedding and toys! We're in a "trial" period right now, to make sure Aaron's not allergic to him, but everything seems to be going great so far outside of an allergy to Hopper's hay. Just means I'll be his housekeeper and will be the one making sure he has clean bedding and litter! Anyway, here's a few pics of Hopper's first day in his new home!

Be blessed & encouraged!

Breathing Again...

This post comes weeks overdue, and with no excuses. Life has happened and I have quickly learned time escapes us more swiftly than our eyes can even see. You could look at my calendar and see that the past month has been slow and uneventful, but the emotions and events in my heart would say otherwise. How I long to share my deepest longings and desires, to shout them from a mountain top, maybe then, the Lord will hear my cry. There are many others in this world who are starving for life, for love, for family, for work, for a place to call home, and yet, I sit here and write about my shaken soul, my untrusting spirit, and my unworthy heart as if my needs are greater than any of those who are lost and aching around me. Why must I beg for more when I have so much to give? Why must I find myself in a place of longing rather than a place of rest and contentment? Must my heart always desire more than the blessings I have already been granted in this life? More than anything in this world, more than any house, or car, or new clothes, or any material item I can purchase with money, I desire a family. For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a mom. There has never been anything as enticing to me as loving another person more than humanly possible. One time person emerging from two souls. A chance to whole-heartedly give of yourself, so selflessly. And yet, I find myself questioning the Lord's timing in all of this, wondering when it will be "my turn" as if I am holding a number in a long line of women who desire the same exact thing as I, rather than saying with a heart full of conviction and trust, "Your will be done, Lord, whatever it is, I trust your heart more than I trust my own desires." My time with the Lord has been rare and even then, uneventful. And as I have said before, I find the most contentment when I am truly in communion with my loving Savior. I have found myself wondering if my lack of children is some sort of punishment for past sins, and I praise the Lord for allowing me to actually see these thoughts for what they truly are, lies. I will no longer allow Satan to have a stronghold on my thoughts. My mind must be filled with the truth and knowledge of Jesus Christ, and Him alone.

I was out sick all last week with a sinus infection. After quickly going through three full boxes of Kleenex, and hours of HGTV and napping, I realized that I procrastinate excessively more than I ever imagined possible. Maybe it was the thought of staring at small typed words (the Bible), or the lack of focusness available when I could not hear, breathe or see clearly, but for some reason, I did not spend a single moment of those five days with my Jesus. How much longer is it going to take for me to realize and understand that He doesn't want 10% of me, He wants ALL of me. He doesn't want just two hours of my week, He wants ALL of my week! Every single moment, every sniffle, every cough, every tear, every heartbeat are His. Man, what a great opportunity I just missed out on! To spend endless hours in conversation with my maker, emotions and all! Pure disregard for the opportunity to have dinner with my provider, my father, my healer, my comforter, my Jesus. Oh how my heart longs for a "do-over". A chance to take back all of those meaningless hours spent in front of a manmade distraction (T.V.) instead of being still before the Everlasting God. A chance to sit face to face with the One who knows me better than I will ever know myself. The One who hears my prayers, who knows my thoughts, who longs to fill my desperate heart with the only thing that will replace void with and unexplainable joy.

Lord, give me a heart for you! Give me a desire and passion for you that is greater and larger than anything else that can fit in my tiny heart. Teach me discipline, teach me conviction, and teach me your Word, the word full of life, the word full of hope, the word full of your promises.One of my favorite things about being a child of the Perfect God is that EVERY DAY IS A NEW DAY!! My past is just that, my past. I no longer have to dwell on mistakes or sins committed, but I have the opportunity to rely on the promises of my heavenly father, the one who "...created my inmost being, who knit me together in my mother's womb...who's eyes have seen my unformed body, and wrote all the days of my life in His book before even one came to be..."

Lord, I commit today to you. I commit to love you more than any other, to live my life as a vessel for you, to open my heart and allow you full control of my thoughts, desires, emotions, my whole being. Thank you for your everlasting and unconditional love, a love that I do not have to earn, but is FREELY given to me!

Be Blessed and Encouraged!

Restful Weekend...What's A Restful Weekend?

My weekend report...

Friday, woke up at 3am with a migraine. Not the best way to start your weekend, especially when you have 8 sophomore girls coming to live with you for 48 hours!

I have not mentioned this in the past, but Aaron and I volunteer with our church's Sr. High group, and both lead a small group of 10th grade kids. My girls are so precious and I am so blessed to be in their lives, much less, speak truth to them! Anyway, this weekend was the annual "D-Town" event (or weekend sleepover as I refer to it as). It's basically an entire weekend of sleepovers, junk food, chick flicks, girl drama, boy talk and no sleep! Also in the mix is what we call "club", on Friday and Saturday nights and then again on Sunday morning, to complete the weekend. Club is a time when we rock out to some great music, spend time worshipping the Lord, watch some hilarious skits, do some crazy dares and listen to awesome Godly peopel get up and challenge us in our faith!

This year was particularly fun for me since it's my first "official" year being one of the girls small group leaders. And the fact that we all stayed at my house and I got to sleep in my comfy bed rather than on a hard floor made it even more enjoyable. I am fortunate and blessed to have a great co-leader who also happens to be one of my closest friends, Chelsi. Her and her husband are in our Community Group. It's so fun to not only share life with them, but to also share these sweet girls with her. She has been pouring into them since they were in 6th grade. I don't know how she does it all, with a husband and two small children at home, but she does and she does it so well!!

Anyway, this weekend was great! Friday night we all stayed up until about 3:15am watching movies and playing poker. Satruday, we were back up at 9am and enjoyed a little breakfast. We hung out at the house until noon and then headed up to the church for lunch and our afternoon event, the annual scavenger hunt, except this year they made a huge change, a great change at that, and made it into a photo scavenger hunt! Oh my gosh!! My girls are so creative, I love it!! As you can see in the pictures below, Sarah was a human chess board, Holly was buried alive in purses, all the girls gave a group hug to some local construction workers and Bri gladly showed off a couple of her many talents, "flat tounged girl" and "stretchy face"!! We tried to get a picture with Jerry Stackhouse (Dallas Mavericks player for those of you who are not local Dallasites) but we went to the wrong house. After an eventful afternoon we went back to the house and stuffed our faces with pizza and more junk food and watched another movie.

Satruday night was probably the best one in D-Town history. We had an amazing concert by none other than Ben Rector!! My girls are head over heels in love with him and so they completely LOVED being able to not only see him in concert, but have their pictures taken with him too! We also enjoyed our time on the bouncehouses that were setup in the lobby of our worship center and a free coffee drink from our Starbucks Coffee Shop! It was awesome! We couldn't end the weekend without making some memorable puff paint t-shirts (wow, talk about traveling back in time! Do scrunchies, tight rolling your jeans and spiral perms bring back any memories?!?) And once again it was almost 2am before any of us got to bed, not to mention the time change which made it almost 3am!! Oh to be young again and live without a care in the world!! Anyway, it was definately an eventful weekend and so much fun! Enjoy the pics below and God Bless!

Sarah - the human chess board!

Holly - Buried Alive in Bags!

Group hug with the random construction workers!

The Girls Just Having Fun!

Be Blessed and Encouraged!

A Voice of Reason

I love reading back through all of my old journals and seeing where I've come and what the Lord has brought me through. One thing that is consistent in ALL my journaling, is the fact that I am a very emotional girl!! Although I've known this for many years now, I'm still shocked at my reactions to different situations the Lord has allowed me to go through. Sometimes there are plenty of "Ah Ha!" moments and other times, I am humbled by the grace the Lord has extended me. Even though my "thoughts" at that moment might have been filled with confusion, sadness, or an overwhelming feeling, I am so encouraged by the fact that no matter where I am in life, or what I'm going through, the Lord is there, waiting to comfort me and fill me with his joy. And even though I have great desires for my life, until my desire for the Lord is greater than any other desire in my heart, what purpose would He accomplish by giving me what I want? NONE! Lord, you are so gracious to see my sin, reveal it to me in such a gentle way, and allow me to fall at your feet and long for nothing more than for you to fill my cup!! My timing is never, nor will it probably ever be, in line with YOUR timing. But in the meantime, I know that I can "...trust in your unfailing love..." and that "...you know the plans you have for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future." Help me to trust and believe your promises, always!!

In my journal entry from July 2007, I wrote, "I feel dehydrated, but I don't feel the need to drink the water of life." At that point in time I felt like I was in a spiritual desert. I was not in the word daily, and felt almost hopeless. My life did not reflect the love, compassion, grace, mercy or joy that the Lord offers to me abundantly. I thought I could find and experience all of those things only when I was in the mountains, or by a river, or in the beautiful nature that surrounds us, or when a cool breeze brushed across my face. And although all of those things do calm my spirit, I was graciously reminded that the Lord is EVERYWHERE. He is in the driest deserts of Africa, he is in the ocean air of California, and he is even in the flat, hot & humid plains of Dallas, Texas!! My heart must be open enough to see that though. I cannot allow Satan to lure me in with his lies that I can only find joy & peace in certain circumstances or locations. No! Only through the Lord will I ever be able to experience freedom, passion, joy and overwhelming peace!! And on those days when I am in doubt, I must first run to the open arms of my Savior, the one who once said, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matt. 11:28-29).

When I am in those moments of doubt, stress, hurt and just feel like the whole world is against me, I can find truth and hope in the promises of the Lord. Some of the verses below I have posted all over my office cubicle and it truly brings me back to a place of rest to read them over and over again...

"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." (Psalm 27:14)

"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him." (Psalm 62:5)

"But he know the way I take; and when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold." (Job 23:10)

"He must become greater and greater and I must become less and less." (John 3:30)

"The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." (Zephaniah 3:17)

Be Blessed and Encouraged!!

East to West

I'm often moved by music, in fact, I consider it to be one of my favorite ways to praise the Lord. One of my favorite songs is "East to West" by Casting Crowns. Everytime I listen to or hear that song, I feel like they wrote it just for me. My eyes fill with tears and my heart is so moved by the lyrics. It's a modern day, true depiction of how much my Daddy loves me. I feel blessed and humbled to know that the God of the universe wants to know me and wants me to know Him intimately. May the Lord stir your hearts through the God-given talent of Casting Crowns...

Want to hear the song? click here: My Rhapsody Playlist

"Here I am, Lord, and I'm drowning in your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I don't want to end up where You found me
And it echoes in my mind, keeps me awake tonight
I know You've cast my sin as far as the east is from the west
And I stand before You now as though I've never sinned
But today I feel like I'm just one mistake away from You leaving me this way

Jesus, can You show me just how far the east is from the west
'cause I can't bear to see the man I've been come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
'cause You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other

I start the day, the war begins, endless reminding of my sin
Time and time again Your truth is drowned out by the storm I'm in
Today I feel like I'm just one mistake away from You leaving me this way

I know You've washed me white, turned my darkness into light
I need Your peace to get me through, to get me through this night
I can't live by what I feel, but by the truth Your word reveals
I'm not holding on to You, but You're holding on to me
You're holding on to me

Jesus, You know just how far the east is from the west
I don't have to see the man I've been come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
'cause You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other
One scarred hand to the other
From one scarred hand to the other"

Be Blessed and Encouraged!

A Sweet Reminder

One of my dearest friends wrote me a “letter from God” while I was going through a very emotional and trying time. I was finding myself very discontent with where I was at in my life, but through the grace of God, and Him speaking through her to me, I found great comfort and solace in the things I have been given in life. The following is a small excerpt from the letter she wrote for me. What a sweet friend!

“My dearest Jill,
This is your heavenly Dad. We haven’t had a lot of quality time together in the past weeks but I wanted you to know that I love you. I have been here with you in everything you do and never leave your side. With the big heart I gave you, there’s plenty of room for my Spirit to live in you!! I know you have been down lately with many burdens on your shoulders. I beg of you to please let me carry those for you, even just for today. Please rest in knowing that I have EVERYTHING under control. I have and will continue to hold you in my hands moment by moment. I know you have been discontent with your job, your sleep, your desire to have a baby…just to name a few…and I do know them all. I know your every thought and feel every tear that runs down your sweet face. I hate to see you in pain. I love you my child. I am writing you this letter to remind you of all that I have done for you so that you might remember, count your blessings, and find joy in today and tomorrow!! I have provided for all your basic needs and more….You and Aaron are so rich in blessings!!! I know the desires of your heart to be a mommy. I have not forgotten that desire. My ways and my timing are perfect!! And remember that all of these things are of this world. I have also given you the greatest gift – eternal life with ME through my Son!! In all of this Jill, you have remained faithful to your husband, to your friends, and to me. Remember where I have brought you from and continue to have faith in where I will carry you in the days ahead.”

As I sit here and re-read this, tears still fill my eyes. Every single word of that is true, and I’m amazed at how many times I actually need to be reminded. While I know what I want out of life, I also know that the Lord’s plan for my life could be drastically different than my own plan. “He must become greater, I must become less.” John 3:30. I must learn to humble myself before Him and allow him to work in my heart. I often find that my “good days” happen when I am truly in communion with the Lord, whether through prayer, reading, journaling or being still before Him. Those are the days when I am completely content with where the Lord has me at this moment in time. Although those days are not often enough, when I really think about it, my heart gets really excited to find joy in the moments of everyday life and truly seek out the Lord’s best for me.

Be Blessed and Encouraged!

A Father's Love Letter

The words you are about to experience are true.
They will change your life if you let them.
For they come from the heart of God. He loves you.
And He is the Father you have been looking for all your life.
This is His love letter to you.

My Child,

You may not know me, but I know everything about you. Psalm 139:1
I know when you sit down and when you rise up. Psalm 139:2
I am familiar with all your ways. Psalm 139:3
Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. Matthew 10:29-31
For you were made in my image. Genesis 1:27
In me you live and move and have your being. Acts 17:28
For you are my offspring. Acts 17:28
I knew you even before you were conceived. Jeremiah 1:4-5
I chose you when I planned creation. Ephesians 1:11-12
You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book. Psalm 139:15-16
I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live. Acts 17:26
You are fearfully and wonderfullly made. Psalm 139:14
I knit you together in your mother's womb. Psalm 139:13
And brought you forth on the day you were born. Psalm 71:6
I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me. John 8:41-44
I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love. 1 John 4:16
And it is my desire to lavish my love on you. 1 John 3:1
Simply because you are my child and I am your Father. 1 John 3:1
I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. Matthew 7:11
For I am the perfect father. Matthew 5:48
Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand. James 1:17
For I am your provider and I meet all your needs. Matthew 6:31-33
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope. Jeremiah 29:11
Because I love you with an everlasting love. Jeremiah 31:3
My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore. Psalm 139:17-18
And I rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17
I will never stop doing good to you. Jeremiah 32:40
For you are my treasured possession. Exodus 19:5
I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul. Jeremiah 32:41
And I want to show you great and marvelous things. Jeremiah 33:3
If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me. Deuteronomy 4:29
Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4
Fot it is I who gave you those desires. Philippians 2:13
I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine. Ephesians 3:20
For I am your greatest encourager. 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you. Psalm 34:18
As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart. Isaiah 40:11
One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes. Revelation 21:3-4
And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth. Revelation 21:3-4
I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus. John 17:23
For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed. John 17:26
He is the exact representation of my being. Hebrews 1:3
He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you. Romans 8:31
And to tell you that I am not counting your sins. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you. 1 John 4:10
I gave up everything I love that I might gain your love. Romans 8:31-32
If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me. 1 John 2:23
And nothing will ever separate you from my love again. Romans 8:38-39
Come home and I'll throw the biggest pary heaven has ever seen. Luke 15:7
I have always been Father, and will always be Father. Ephesians 3:14-15
My question is...Will you be my child? John 1:12-13
I am waiting for you. Luke 15:11-32

Love,
your Dad
Almighty God

Taken directly from the site: http://www.fathersloveletter.com/

Be Blessed and Encouraged!